WRITTEN ON November 23rd, 2008 BY Sir Bonar Neville-Kingdom GCMG KCVO AND STORED IN Foundation of Trust, Identity, What do we want?

Sir Bonar writes:

Northrop Grummann and Intellect arranged a brainstorm for the Wednesday morning group last week on the theme Transformational Government: perfecting Web 1.0. We decided one good way would be to prepare “frequently asked questions” for the new ID System.

I should explain that “Frequently asked questions” (or “FAQs”) are an emerging technique which harnesses the power of the Internet to pre-empt obvious questions from data subjects.

The way it works is this. We decide the questions that data subjects are most likely to ask, and then we provide the answers. This cuts costs and shows Empathy. The trick of course is to imagine, using one’s common sense, what questions people are most likely to ask.

Here’s what we came up with for the ID System:

How long must I wait before I can have my own real ID Card?

It won’t be long now. Given the overwhelming demand for we’re pleased to be able to announce that it will be possible for people for pre-register their interest as early as the first few months of 2009.

When the time comes, am I permitted to have several ID Cards?

Yes, we’re pleased to be able to say this will now be possible in some circumstances. For example, transgendered people will be able to have one ID Card for each valid gender. For information on how to become transgendered consult the Home Office Web Site.

Do ID Cards make a suitable Christmas Gifts?

Yes, they make ideal and very welcome Christmas presents. To do this, simply buy an “Identity Gift Token” worth £30. The recipient needs to apply in the usual way for interview, fingerprinting and registration, and can then use the token to pay the administrative cost. There is also an Identity and Passport Service Registration Gift Token redeemable at any High Street shop that is duly authorised and licensed to undertake the fingerprinting and interview process. These cost £45.

Both are available from Home Office reception in Marsham Street on presentation of payment and suitable proof of identity.

When I have an ID Card, will it become easier to purchase beer in a pub?

Yes of course. All you need to do is to show your ID Card, which is a convenient way to let the bar staff know your name, date of birth, citizenship and other essential details. Then you specify what sort of beer you would like, and pay for it in the normal way.

Will ID Cards protect sex workers?

Indeed they will. The paying customer will first have to produce a valid ID Card to prove they are who they say they are, and that they are old enough to pay for sexual services. They will then ask the sex worker in turn to show their valid ID Card. This will prove the prostitute’s date of birth, right of residence and that there is no use of a false name. As you are aware, we intend to make it a criminal offence to pay for sex with someone who is unable to prove they have not been coerced. The production on demand of a valid ID Card is not per se evidence of coercion or of an absence of coercion, but helps us to regulate this space. Therefore it will also be an offence to have sex with a paying customer who has not produced a valid ID Card. ID Cards are at the heart of our increasingly enlightened policies for sex workers.

Apart from having an ID Card, are there other ways in which I can help fight terrorism?

We have never pretended that ID Cards are any sort of “silver bullet” for terrorism. You will first need to ensure your family, neighbours and friends all have ID Cards. Even then it will still be necessary for data subjects to call Crimestoppers if they have any suspicions of anyone, for example if they see someone taking an unnecessary photograph in a public place. The Crimestoppers telephone number is available on the Crimestoppers Web Site

Whom should I thank for the introduction of ID Cards, and is there a practical way to show my gratitude?

We’re cognizant through our research programmes of the great enthusiasm this programme has aroused. Many public servants in the Home Office and elsewhere have contributed over many years to the reintroduction of ID Cards. Some of them have already moved on to other duties. Far from seeking public acclamation, they will be content with an few medals to share among them and a modest secure pension. Simply paying your taxes is thanks enough.

If Ideal Goverment readers have any more “FAQs” and suggested answers my staff would be pleased to hear form you.